Oh, to Lose.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." - Matthew 16:25


When I set off on this journey, people told me I was out of my mind. Since May I have performed every week, up to 9 times a week, with no breaks, no home, and no idea what the next month would bring. Not only did I have family and friends that strongly disapproved of such a reckless decision, but also in working with youth groups from May to July, every week there was always a leader, or two, or three, who would ask me if I was crazy. Some people asked what happened to me as a child that after graduating college I would choose a road of instability. Others told me to prepare myself for disappointment, because there was no way I could reach my original goal to book every other week from May until October. Now, it’s almost December, and by January ’12, I’ll be able to say I performed every week, with new pieces, in multiple states, for 8 months.

To all of the people who questioned this decision, the answer is “Yes, I was a little out of my mind.” But the more important question is, “Why aren’t you?” What happened to us as believers that we have grown so comfortable and complaisant in our predictable lives that we find it reckless, and crazy, and wrong to do something unconventional to point people to Christ? When did fear creep into our evangelistic attitudes? While we’re sitting here apathetic to the world around us, souls are hanging in the balance waiting for us to snatch them for Jesus, away from their sins, away from their addictions, away from their lives leading to death.

All that I can concur from this journey --as insane as it might have been-- is that God calls us to be reckless. He loves when we are so out of our minds for Him that we will give what He asks, go where He asks, and be whom He asks. It is in this reckless state that He can use us in ways that vividly, undoubtedly magnify Him-- make Him bigger to a world that's forgotten Him. But more than that, it's in this place that He can fully reverse the selfish states of our own hearts. I'm a better person for losing it all, to gain Christ. I love better. I learn better. I listen better. I'm so thankful He asked me to be better.

I was terrified when God first laid it on my heart to take this new direction. Now I’m towards the end of this particular part of my journey, and it’s not as scary as it once was. It’s so beautiful. It’s extravagant. It’s heartbreaking. It’s heart-healing. It’s Jesus. The people I met, the experiences I had, and the testimony of the grace of God that I was able to share with tens of thousands, is an experience I can’t believe I almost didn’t have, had I listened to other people’s cynicism.

I wish everyone would have this experience, having nothing certain but Jesus, waiting on the edge of your seat for what He will do next, giving and giving, and learning and learning, putting aside everyone's critiques, and instead, seeing the world, the church, and people in ways you never thought possible...

But in reality, we can't. We can't have our world rocked by Christ…. if we are too scared to lose our mind... our life, first.

 "The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed." - Romans 13:11b